


because

by undying_young



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, sad kids, someone asked me to upload it here so here u go babygirl!, teenage emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-15 06:47:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13607835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undying_young/pseuds/undying_young
Summary: Cyrus doesn't like being in the park in the dead of winter, but he likes being grilled by his parents even less. The only reason he was out there that day was to be alone, but alas, it's a small town, and he should've expected to run into someone--and with his luck, it has to be Jonah Beck with his sunshine-y face and his pretty green eyes. Confessions ensue.orTwo anxious boys being honest with each other (and themselves).





	because

**Author's Note:**

> please note: this is not nearly as edited as it needs to be, i literally just found it and copy/pasted it so it's super dated (keep in mind, i wrote this last august). i don't think cyrus would ever get this agitated, but this isn't really a prediction, just some dumb thing i wrote so here take my garbage

Jonah Beck had been acting funny all week, and Cyrus Goodman was having none of it.

 

Jonah was hanging out with Andi most every day, taking her to do things _Cyrus_ wanted to do with Jonah, like seeing sports-ball games, and walking in the park, and roller skating.

 

Alright, so he didn’t really know how to roller skate, but it still stung.

 

Between his two best friends creating new relationships with boys, Cyrus felt very alone. He’d never blame his girls—he was rooting for them always—but he wished they had a reason to root for him, too. He wished he had a Jonah, or a Marty. Or maybe just a Jonah. Better yet, Jonah himself.

 

But that could never be. Jonah liked girls. Pretty girls, nice girls, girls who were confident and creative. Andi checked every box, and for the first time in his life, Cyrus was realizing how much he envied her.

 

“Cy-Guy!”

 

Ah, jeez. Cyrus was now wishing he’d have stayed home like a normal kid would when it was freezing outside. He realized with a drop in his stomach that he wasn’t normal at all, and besides, no kid wanted to stay home if two of their four psychologist parents was grilling them about their emotions. He was bound to run into the person he was thinking about, because this was a small town, and luck tended not to be on his side.

 

Before he could think to run away and play dumb when he next saw Jonah at school, the disc-head was already jogging up the steps of the gazebo, coming to a stop in front of him.

 

Cyrus attempted to look like there wasn't a problem in the world. “Hi."

 

Jonah gave a dimpled smile. “Hey.”

 

Cyrus’ mouth moved before his sense of logic could get to it. “Why do you wanna hang out with me?”

 

Jonah frowned, and Cyrus decided he’d never be assertive again—then took it back, because assertive people were the ones who got things done.

 

“What?”

 

The brown-eyed boy had to work to keep his voice from shaking. “Y-You heard me.”

 

“Cy, why would you ask that?”

 

“I dunno. You’ve been kind of distant?"

 

Jonah pursed his lips, and nodded. "Sorry, I’ve just…” He shrugged. “Ever since the thing with Andi, I’ve just had a lot on my mind.”

 

“Like what?”

 

Jonah’s confused frown returned, and Cyrus wanted to curse himself for causing it.

 

“Like, what’s going on with you? You’re acting weird, Cy.”

 

“ _I’m_ acting weird? You’ve been blowing me off, for like, two weeks.”

 

“It’s just that Andi—”

 

“—is more important.” Cyrus nodded. “Look, I love Andi with all my heart, but I just… I can’t do this, Jonah.”

 

And Jonah looked so distraught that a part of Cyrus' brain wanted him to stop and _think_ , but Cyrus was feeling too much to listen.

 

“Do what?”

 

“Wait around for you to text me back, or invite me to The Spoon, or to sports-ball.”

 

Jonah looked more confused than anything else, “Hey, no one’s asking you to wait around for me.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“It means you can do what you want, and I won’t stop you.”

 

Cyrus straightened up. "I know I can!”

 

The sinking feeling sunk deeper, forcing the words out of his mouth. “It's just... Look, I’m happy you and Andi made up, but I just feel like I’m losing the both of you.”

 

Jonah reached out to him, a gentle smile on his face. “You’re not.”

 

Cyrus stepped back. “Are you sure? Because we haven’t spoken in days, Jonah.” The other boy frowned, letting his arm drop back to his side. “We don’t even talk after practice anymore; you just say ‘bye’ and rush off to Andi.”

 

“Dude, why does this bother you so much?”

 

“Because I like you!” The words hung in the air, and as embarrassing as it was, Cyrus began to sniffle, tears practically pouring from of his eyes.

 

At that moment, though, nothing really mattered anymore. Not the rules, not the social obligations, not how he looked, not Buffy, or Marty, or Andi, or Jonah himself. All that mattered was Cyrus, all that existed was Cyrus, and all the emotions he’d shoved to the back of his throat came bubbling to the surface like vomit; it made him feel lousy, but relieved when they came out. He spoke again, deciding to put it all out on the table if Jonah was never going to speak to him again (which he wouldn't, _of course he wouldn't_ , not after this).

 

“Because I miss being around you,” he continued, sniffling. “Because you’re _Jonah Beck._ Because you’re a beam of light, and you always make me smile, and lately I’ve been realizing that Iris is a really nice girl, but I don’t like her; Not in the same way I like you.” He finally wiped his face, taking a shaky breath. “Because today I wore a rainbow pin on my shirt. Under this coat.” He touched his heart, where he’d put the button Buffy had bought for him. “Because I think I can love who I am, in time. And I-I thought it would make me feel better about all this, but it isn’t, because I’m wearing my vulnerability on my sleeve and you’re staring at me funny and—”

 

Jonah took Cyrus’ hand into his own, his blue eyes completely focused on the other boy’s. Cyrus felt like he’d melt under that gaze, and stammered out,

 

“It’s you, Jonah. It’s always been you.”

 

“Cyrus, you’re shaking.”

 

He shrugged listlessly, already exhausted from crying, and pouring out his soul to someone who would sooner hate him.

 

“’m cold.”

 

Jonah tried for a laugh. "You’re wearing a coat. And a hat. And a scarf.”

 

The boy shrugged again. “I have anemia.”

 

Jonah’s hand felt warm in his, even without gloves. Cyrus let the boy squeeze his hand before he realized what was happening. Jonah Beck, his first guy best friend, his crush, his ray of sunshine, was holding his hand. He squeaked, letting his eyes flicker back to Jonah’s.

 

"Why are you are holding my hand?”

 

“I’m…” Jonah’s eyes were knit in concentration, and he gently shook his head. “I’m not going out with Andi.”

 

Cyrus blinked twice, and sputtered an unintelligible, “Huh?”

 

“We’re really friends now. And friends hang out together, and talk. And I like being around her. And I like not caring about what people say, Cy,” Jonah was rushing his words, and had to take a breath, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “This, what I have with Andi, is new territory for the both of us. I like it, and I like her. But the more we’ve been talking, we’ve both decided that we don’t need to be anything more than what we are. And we’re happy.”

 

The dark eyed boy blinked rapidly. Andi and Jonah weren’t in like, just navigating something new and nice. Had that been all?

 

“Why are you telling me this?”

 

“I don’t know,” Jonah admitted. “Because it’s the truth? Because I want to make things better?” He took a deeper breath, “Because don’t like seeing you hurt, or crying; because you’re my best friend, I think.” Cyrus scoffed at himself, and Jonah placed a hand on his cheek, hesitantly, almost as if he was afraid that with one wrong move, Cyrus would break. Cyrus wondered if Jonah would be right to think that. Jonah wiped a couple of Cyrus’ tear tracks away with his thumb, his eyebrows again knit in what Cyrus could only figure to be heavy concentration.

 

“Because I like hanging out with you, because I like seeing you in that vest at our games, because you always crack me up,” the boy moved his hand, and let a smile split across his face, “and the Baby Tater Theater is docious!”

 

“Of course you’d say that in a moment like this,” Cyrus said, unable to help the smile breaking across his face.

 

“Are we having a moment?” Jonah inquired gently, but he seemed to be asking himself.

 

Cyrus answered anyway. “You tell me.”

 

“I…” Jonah shook his head as if in an attempt to clear his mind. “I’ve been hanging out with Andi, but I’ve also been kind of distancing myself from you.”

 

The thought of Jonah actively avoiding him gave Cyrus a sinking feeling. “Why?”

 

“Because you make me feel weird."

 

Ouch.

 

“Bad weird?”

 

“Good weird," Jonah corrected him, " _Great_ weird.”

 

He swallowed, unable to meet Cyrus’ eyes. Cyrus wanted to dramatically reach out and lift his chin, or take his hand again, but he was petrified, and waited for the other boy to finish.

 

“You’re so…" Jonah balled and unballed his hands, trying to come up with the words, "You’re different, Cy. You’re funny, and kind, and you care. You come to my games when no one else shows, you put on a twenty-pound vest and help the team; you’re a part of the team."

 

Despite the cold, Cyrus was feeling very warm. He gladly shut up as Jonah continued.

 

"You make me realize I deserve better than Amber, even if I don't believe it most days. And you never fail to make me happy, Cyrus," the boy added, chuckling to himself. "And I think it's been you this whole time, too. And it scared me."

 

Before Jonah even dared to say anything else, Cyrus surged forward, and hugged him. His mind blanked, his body warmed, his head spun, and nothing about that day felt real anymore.

 

Then Cyrus heard him sniff, and squeezed Jonah tighter, more grounded now.

 

“Jonah, you're crying.”

  
“ _You're_ crying.”

**Author's Note:**

> leave a kudos if you liked, and i'll be sure to write more! for the culture!


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